Simple Ingredients

There is somewhat of a personal tradition that I began last year and continued it for just the second time this year. It is a Christmas sort of thing that I somewhat feel obligated to do. But not in the sense of have to do it but I must do it and I am most certainly compelled to do it by the love that has been shown to me through Jesus.

There was a time where it felt that I was chained down to a world of pure lonliness and self destruction. Even though at the same time I had obtained my life long dream of being in band that would be signed by a record company in Dallas, Texas and then prepped up for a possible tour with a major national act. All the while gearing up for a video shoot for MTV's Alternative Nation and loading up to move to Austin , Texas. All this took place within 6 months of my being in the band and obviously the lure of sex, drugs and all that entails it awaited my every turn at every corner. Especially because it was free and always available.

There was such a sense of freedom in that part but such an incredibly life haltering lonliness that walked with me as if it were as present as my very own shadow. My greatest efforts to obliviate this lonliness only complicated my longings for true freedom. How could I be 23 years old and reach my lifelong dream and still realize that the only dominating thought in my mind was suicide?

It was only a few months prior to my joining the band that a very dear friend of mine had taken her own life. Due to massive consumptions of cocaine use she had become so far in debt that she began to prostitute herself sexually in order to payback her debts or to simply score another high. The debt could not be paid and the high could not be reached. And so on a Saturday morning in the summer of 1993 she left a note saying that "this is the only way out" and she put a pistol in her mouth and pulled the trigger.

I remember having an envious feeling of her suicide. How she had been able to go that far so as to escape this world. I remember feeling like that. It's madness to think like that but it was truly a feeling that became like clothing on my weary soul. I can't even begin to remember how many nights I spent in the bars in dowtown Kent hunched over and forcing myself to throw up so I could continue to drink more. Sobriety was the scariest thing in the world to me. I remember the so very many holidays of not having any where to go because I chose my drug soaked agenda over those that I loved and those yhat I was loved by.

That's where this traditional thing comes into play that I started last year. On Christmas Eve, around midnight, I go downtown Kent with little gift bags filled with cookies. There are very few places open. In fact, there is pretty much only one bar open and it is the one that I know I would be in to this day had not this sweet and gentle Jesus been so kind and bold as to enter my shit-filled world.

Last year several friends came along with me to do this "outreach" but this year I wanted to go alone. I can't really say why I went alone other than I just had to go and be with the ones that perhaps are clothed in that same loneliness that enveloped me for so long. My desperation now lies within the cries to bring light into the dark places and no longer in the cries that allow the darkness to overwhelm.

I can tell you that as I began to hand out the cookies how so very quickly smiles and huge "thank you's" overtook this room that was cloaked in the mundane atmosphere of the sound of billiards and the ever enchanting sound of cuss words that let me know I am where He already is. There was even a group of young folks that were evidently foreigners because they could not speak an ounce of English and for as far as I can tell they were Middle Easterners of sorts but love overcomes those barriers quite easily through little bags of cookies. I did not need a translator because as the gift bags left my hands and went into theirs our smiles completed the moment and the message.

Love is quite capable of leaping over the things that we Christians often determine to be things to ignore or stay away from. Now, I love to study theology, read from the gleanings of the best writers of our faith and I am always up for good strong teaching. But listen and hear this with your heart : The greatest theological understandings and moments have derived from the greatest examples of the very Word in flesh in the moment that He sat and ate with the hookers and tax-collectors, in the moment that He placed His holy hands into the puss-filled-cracked-skin of the leper, in the moment that He promised a known thief to be with Him in paradise, and in the moment that He picked up my blistered soul and soothed me into existence again. {Notice the italicized words in this paragraph - they are all forms of faithful action.}

It's amazing that some simple ingredients like flour, eggs, peanut butter, chocolate and sugar are much more effective in showing the Gospel rather than just knowing the Gospel. Some cookies got me past the barriers that so many Christians think they have to compete with. I mean think about it - some cookies and a willingness to just be nice brought some joy into perhaps the most depressing night of the year for people, it overcame language barriers, ethnic barriers, and cultural differences and defeated religiosity.

So let's see shall I attend another conference on how to "reach out" and do church? Hell no, I think I'll go bake up another batch of cookies and head back down to the bar.

My secret: The peanut butter ones with a hershey kiss on top of it tend to be the most effective!!

Sleigh Ride - Humvee Style

I got an email from my little brother, Tim, who landed in Baghdad on Thanksgiving. He has just begun his first tour of duty. He's totally a man of few words but here's what he writes:

...hope everyone is doing well and is excited for the holidays. We went out on a sleigh ride in our humvees the other day on a humanitarian mission and gave out gifts to the children. It was a truly gratifying experience and one I will never forget. Talk about poverty. I cant believe that these people live like they do. Well, be sure to drink your ovaltine and christmas ale. Love you guys.
-Timmy

Geez is it hard to think about where he is right now. War sucks.

Chiseling.

It is easy to write about the good things or great happenings that occur in our lives. It is even easier to write about things that we don't like or disagree with. These are the kind of feelings that brew up strong emotions and throng us to respond or react in ways that make us what we will one day be thankful for or one day we'll turn back to look in regret of.

I love to read Dorothy Day's stuff. She was co-founder of the Catholic Worker movement and lived a lifelong option for the poor and was so very devoted to active nonviolence. We all have our favorite authors or writers that connect deep within us on a level that describes exactly how we feel and we are amazed that someone we don't even truly know feels exactly the same and is capable of "putting it on paper". Dorothy Day is that kind of writer to me.

In one observation Day writes about the causes of her conversion and how they took place. As best as she can remember, some things just stood out more than others. This is where I connect with Day outside of our Catholic ties. But it's these moments in my life where little conversion factors played an important role that have made the chiseling of my being so very much felt and known by myself.

Chiseling.

I recall a chiseling moment. It has never escaped me. I feel that God has embedded this conversion moment into the walls of my heart so as not to forget the Hand that shapes. It is here in His hands that I am reminded of the cost of reaching out in love. His scars define a heavy price.

It was in 1995 at a Pittsburgh Steeler football game against the Cleveland Browns that I would be chiseled with concern but molded with grace. The pastor of the church I was a part of had given me free tickets to the game and asked if I would chaperon his son. You don't have to like sports to attend this rivalry and enjoy it. You don't say no to a game like this.

I remember it being a warm fall day. There I was in the midst of a sold out crowd with the pastor's son. I was feeling like I was important. Like God had ordained me to watch over something so very important.

So I looked around like a scout surveying his surroundings. That's when I noticed him. He was cheering on his beloved Steelers with a slur of cuss words obviously drenched in the depths of Iron City Beer. He stumbled up every other step and I remember noticing the empty seat to the left of me.

How I prayed for that empty seat to not be his. He stopped and bent over to check the row to make sure it was his and then leaned back to look down and acknowledge that the seat to my left was indeed his. So with the help of several F-bombs along with reminding our entire seated section of how much Cleveland sucks, he began to weave his way to the seat next to me.

I remember not wanting to be next to this drunk. How his obscene language made me cringe. How his mannerisms filled me with an anger that I felt was just and holy. I even wondered that perhaps I did not belong in this place filled with such worldliness. How could I be in the midst of all this sinfulness?

And then my Lord spoke gently to me and said, "Because, Scott, where I found you is no different than the place I am looking for him."

How quickly my heart melted and how utterly idiotic and self-righteous I felt when I recognized that saving voice. That moment has stuck with me to this very moment. It is never easy to reflect on it because I so very much despise that person I was that day that I am shedding a tear now just thinking of it. How so very Godless I was at that moment. It scared me. It scares me to think that I am capable of being like that at any given moment as I live and breathe today.

Now granted, at that moment, I had only been a "Christian" for about a year. I was certainly learning and growing and truthfully wanting to know Jesus. But my heart was broken because I had forgotten about the rescue effort that came after me not to long ago prior to this.

I've had folks tell me to forget about the past and moments like that and to behold new things! I refuse to let go of these moments. I must refuse to ever forget where I was before Jesus waded Himself neck deep in the mire of my life to rescue me. I hold onto this moment of moments when His chisel came down upon my petrified heart. It is a painful reminder that beckons my soul to thirst and hunger for righteousness as deep calls unto deep.

As His word says, "Is not my Word like a hammer that breaks the rock!" And so my heart would be broken by the force of an enduring King. He certainly is faithful to pursuit us relentlessly. Is He not?

Oh yeah... I failed to mention that I was born and raised on the west side of Cleveland. And yes, I was faithful to the Browns even after living in Pittsburgh for 9 years. I still am.

Despise Expectations

I am confounded on a regular basis as to what this Christian life is supposed to be as opposed to what is has been made to appear like. It makes me reflect on a quote from Brennan Manning: "The institutional church has become a wounder of the healers rather than a healer of the wounded."

It is a quote that is worthy of reflection. A quote fabricated out of let down and hurt. A quote that unfortunately holds a lot of weight.

The greatest and most profound personal moments of true Christian living have come to me in ways that the average seminary in our day and age could never provide. I am, however, grateful for the "seminary" that my wife and I attended in Pittsburgh. It never gave way to ministry being some kind of profession to pursuit or some kind of career goal.

My wife and I attended Dayspring Bible School together and the most informative class we had every day was lunch. You see, the school was a soup kitchen as well. Every day you had school you shared lunch with the hungry and poor. It was a reminder to us in a gentle way of what this is really about. The lesson to learn was not an "us and them" theme but just an "us" theme. Live life together. Share.

It is in the simplest ways of meeting the needs of each other that bring about great relationships that are then built on trust and love and despise expectations of one another.

Despise expectations. There is a lot to learn in this proactive statement. There are no expectations in true love. You love out of giving of self and in turn you expect nothing.

Sounds truthful but what does it look like?

Let's start by going back to the Brennan Manning quote and consider how the institutional church has become a "wounder of the healers". Henri Nouwen also addressed this in a different fashion but based upon the same grounds. He put it something like this: "The opposite of compassionate is competitive."

If you are not lending your heart free of charge so as to pour yourself out as an offering then you are competing for some kind of award like recognition, a title or craving approval from your peers like a heroine addict craves for a fix and seeks out any avenue to get it. I must constantly ask myself these things. Are my intentions to seek attention or to gain Christ and die to myself. There will always be that chance to do either one. And though all of us are capable of choosing poorly we are invited by the love of our Father in heaven to receive Christ especially in our dark hours.

How have I learned so far? Here is a true story about someone that I get to do some things with:

My friend, Jack, meets the homeless on the streets after he works rotating shifts as an industrial mechanic. He cannot sleep knowing that somebody in his neighborhood is out in the cold and this is why I follow Jack. I try to put my feet into Jack's beautiful footprints that go before me because he is living up to true pastoral living by caring and seeking to restore the broken hearts and broken places. He is not some CEO or seminarian. He is just some blue-collar cigarette-smokin' kid of YHWH that loves until it hurts and then loves some more(Mother Teresa said something like that once).

He and his wife opened a little coffee shop with their own money in order to show the love of Jesus. They simply provide coffee and warmth. No agendas saying, "Free coffee if you come to church!" Just come and Jack(overcome by Jesus) will give you some rest and a cup of joe.

So one day a lady came in and sat down. She got herself a cup of coffee and huddled herself up to the coffee bar leaving the distinct impression that she did not want to be bothered. So Jack simply let her be. Then in walked three pastors from some local church that came to "check out" this ministry effort because they heard that Jack was looking for other Christians to help out. I don't think these guys were there for thirty seconds when they took Jack aside and said "Do you know that there's a known prostitute sitting there at the coffee bar?"

Jack stepped back acting dumb and replied, "Where? I can't see her? Show me."

Immediately they said, "Right there! That lady. What kind of place is this that serves known prostitutes?"

And Jack said, "You see her as what she has become but not what she truly is. She is God's precious daughter. In here she gets to be that treasure even if it's only for a few minutes. That's what we do. We give her those few minutes to be that before the next guy gets his hands on her."

So they left and never returned. There was no trophy for them to win. There was only coffee to serve and warmth to provide but no trophies to carry home of victoriously "saving" the hooker. I'm sure they were disappointed to see that there was no platform for them to speak. There was just the opportunity to meet Jesus in the least of these. The chance to listen to God's heart and identify with His plans and purposes.

That's the problem with the evangelical world anymore, too many folks thinking that their sermons or speaking engagements are what people need. Too much of the evangelical world has thrown it's most important tool of evangelism out. That tool: Listening. If we do not listen to our neighbors then compassion has been discarded from our hearts. Fighting for selfish gain wins again.

These guys only knew how to compete and that was evident in the way they saw her. She was not a shiny trophy to be won nor will she ever be. To Jack she is a daughter of the Most High worthy to be served some cream and sugar. To the "upright" she needed to change then she could be served. Three pastors came in as if they were known conquerors deserving to be recognized. But compassion dethroned them. For a few minutes anyway. And because the desire for trophies ruled their motives, they decided that they had to leave their mark somehow and so they wounded the healer. Since they could not win they might as well wound. Wound Jack.

Leaving and not helping out is how you wound the healer. So much of the western world of Christianity has left the healers standing out in the cold simply because there is no glory in this kind of work. And let me tell you this: Some of the best healers of broken folks that I have come across are not Church-going folk. That is another story.

So... what really happened that day?

Answer:
1) God's beloved daughter sat quietly and contently while sipping on a warm beverage in the peaceful setting of a coffee house designed especially to bring her rest.

2) Three pastors warred with their own discontent because there were no "lands" to take for their kingdoms. In other words: No stories of their soul-winning to tell at the next Sunday service. Hopefully they will recognize Jesus the next time they head out. Hopefully, I will too.

3) And Jack... well, Jack simply despised expectations and brewed up another pot.

Christmas Program to Benefit New Shelter

The Akron Beacon Journal did a write up on the Christmas show coming up. Good stuff. Colette was very kind.

Wrecked for the Ordinary

Wrecked for the Ordinary
has "published" a zudbone poem -
"Poverty of Conscience"

Enjoy their site. Jeff Goins is a good cat.

Coffee for a cause - Entertainment

Coffee for a cause - Entertainment

Check out the Scribbles coverage!! A front page layout and two page spread of our good and supa dupa friends - The Rawd and Carla and a kind touch of Sophia!!

A great way to support the "restoration of all things" and care for our city and support the small businesses and the true lifeblood of Kent.

The Restoration of all Things... begins with small things [like coffee shops.]

The point in the restoration of our cities and communities is not to eventually dominate them. The point is to provide a flow of individual efforts that support each other and give and to likewise graciously annihilate the competitive agenda that seeks to divide and conquer. Which will hopefully turn the hearts of competitive driven folks to consider their neighbor first.

It is the same scenario found in the Gospels. Bring your "fishes and loaves" to the table no matter how much or little you have of them. The disciples tried to look at statistics when they were told to feed the 5,000 hungry folks that gathered near to Jesus. Really look how they responded to Jesus in the story. And so how did Jesus respond to their stats? Jesus looked to His Father in heaven and gave thanks for what there already was and had nothing to say about what there wasn't. This was a tough lesson for the disciples to learn as it is for us on what true community effort looks like. Community in fullness functions in a complete and healthy state when we share and lend of ourselves with no expectation of a thank you or reward.

My experiences and observations are that the "Mom and Pop" stores have always been the truest identification of that scenario. They are the true blood of both small towns and big cities. You care about the neighbor and the neighborhood because it is right and good to do simply just that.

Listen little flock: It is in Yahweh's character to provide such things as good neighbors that will infect neighborhoods in need with His likeness.

So why bother with a small fair-trade coffee house effort like my friends do? Because as a Christ-follower and image-bearer of Yahweh, you should consider and act upon the concern for the products you buy and sell, as a hope to also care for the producer of the goods rather than target yourself as the only one to make out on the success of a business.

My Dad retired at the age of 45 after successfully running a business of his own in East Cleveland. With 13 children to still care for he was able to retire in his mid forties. There is a lot to be said about that. If you ask him what made the business truly successful he will tell you that if you run a business for the purpose of your own gain it will destroy you and those around you but if you run a business for the purpose of taking care of your employees and their families you will succeed in doing just that.

May we seek to do just that in all that we do.

(my inspiration to write this comes from Tom Sine's: Mustard Seed vs. McWorld, Henry Nouwen's: The Road to Peace, and my sweet and gentle friends, Rodney, Carla and little Sophia because they are brave enough to actually do it.)

Ending Poverty: Introduction

"Managing Poverty is Big Business.
Ending Poverty is Revolutionary."

How I love this quote taken from a homeless mom.

Notice - Homeless Mom: Nameless, anonymous, and brilliant.

In other words: Prophetic Female(that'll strike a nerve somewhere).

The female is not very prominent in the American Pastoral Achievement Trophy world. So this ought to eliminate a few readers starting here since so much of the true care taking for the poor is done by females but that is another subject down the road.

An insightful, convicting charge to the Christian everywhere: to be mindful of the greater need in our surroundings. Ending poverty is the true revolution at hand. A reminder that I try to burn into my mind and my heart daily.

But what makes this so convicting and challenging and heartbreaking is what we will actually do with it. We live in a country that uses almost half of the world's resources. There has never been a time in the history of the world and the history of Christendom where we have had so much wealth before us. Where our "tables sag with food" and the gap between the haves and have-nots widens due to misconceptions and misinformed decision makers.

It is not an issue of the wealthy being selfish and evil by any means, but rather an issue of how the world of poverty and how the world of wealth collide. This is a difficult road to walk. Although the combined efforts of the impoverished and wealthy brings necessary tensions it has shown that it's thriving ability to walk in unity is quite possible and honorable to Jesus.

When Paul was commissioned on the first missionary journey of the church he was charged with this: "REMEMBER THE POOR."

His response: "I was already eager to do that!"

He wasn't told build stuff then remember they're out there some where. His charge was to build the church with them!! To include and care. That the way of the Kingdom is a life lived with the poor and together creating environments where no one is needy anymore because the burdens are shared. At that my friends is incredibly joyful.

Over the past two years, alongside several friends, I've helped move homeless families into apartments by hunting down donated furniture and food. The quietness of our effort caught the attention of some folks. They literally shelled out cash and bought us a Uhual truck to aid our effort and then someone else dropped $20,000.00 on our laps saying that they knew we'd care for the poor with all that we have.

The same folks that paid for everything also join our efforts in serving and laughing with us along the way still to this day. We have combined the impoverished and wealthy in an effort where we find Jesus humbling us all, holding us close and giving us the ability to create communities that have "no needy persons among them" [read pages 62-65 in The Irresistible Revolution].

I push hard to advocate on behalf of folks that just need someone to stand in for them as Ezekiel teaches us and because it goes against my nature as a man to do so - It is the Christ way to die to my agenda. However, it gets me in trouble with other Christians that use the downtrodden to gain attention for themselves but advocating with the poor has always been said to be the one place that people will come against you the most. This is true especially in a society that embraces consumerist approaches to everything including the way we "do" church. In fact, several plots to destroy Jesus were made because he defended the poor.

The more and more I dwell in the poverty of our cities and places of despair the more and more I see Jesus and where He really is. Because I used to think years ago that I was such a great suffering Christian by taking God into those places. How arrogant is that? That any body could ever think they're taking God some where. I have realized that where ever I get to go by the grace of God it is to a place that He has been consistently working in already and that we humans get to help out.

The disciples talked of power and Jesus began to remove dirt and camel-pooh from the crevasses of their toes. It is in the embracing of the Cross that demands "this way of pooh removal" to rule over my desires and creates a love for justice and mercy to continue to blossom in my heart and works its way out into the quiet covertly changing plans of a Kingdom that is coming down to rule(not a place to get ready to go away to).

Christmas With A Conscience

Here are some great ways to help us to rethink Christmas and give away. Places that you can utilize and shop with a conscience.

www.scribblescafe.com
www.changethepresent.org
www.adventconspiracy.org
www.tenthousandvillages.org
www.ijm.org
www.bloodwatermission.com

Coffee for a cause - Entertainment

Coffee for a cause - Entertainment

Here is one way I believe in the "restoration of all things".
Support Scribbles and small businesses!!!!
They are the true life blood of our city.

Brennan, hugs and footlong Pizza slices

"Jesus meet me
Come Lord save me
Wash me clean
And make me holy.
I was born to love you only
Spirit come breathe life within me. "
-marc james' song "Jesus Meet Me" from the vineyard "holy" album.

Sounds like words to toss at someone who perhaps is not "saved". They are words to one of my favorite songs that we sing in our community quite often. The words remind me of Mother Teresa's(Momma T) words: "Jesus meets us in His most distressing disguises."

The last 24 hours have been quite full of consistent reminders of God's relentless pursuit of my heart. As if a boulder of raging love was chasing me downhill. I was able to sit at the feet of a phenomenal man of God whose words drip with grace and rigorous passion that exemplify the bold and unconditional love of YHWH.

That man being, Brennan Manning.

His repetitive message of "you DO NOT have to change to be loved" echoes over and over only to the point in which I plea for more. That's it. You don't have to change to be loved. It is not required. Jesus does not demand it. (That's right man, pick me up and out of the heap of my dung-filled attempts to please You, O God, and scrape the crap off me as I quiver into a calm state of being and I'll pull Your faithful hands of mercy around me like a warm blanket.)

I went up and hugged Brennan shortly but fiercely. I wanted that Elijah and Elisha moment of give me what you have you sweet man. That's what I want to be like as I continue to not "grow up".

[I pray this day for a 2nd conversion:
mistrust to trust.
Beckon my heart, O Lord,
to crave unfaltering trust.]

(following morning- Thursday - "Bread Run")
After scoring 50 loaves of bread and several $30.00 sheet cakes, pies, and cookies from a grocer that donates them to us - Drew, Lisa and myself begin to figure out which shelter to go to first. Our Kingdom work this day is especially good. Especially good because we are resources today. Resources of His goodness. We are being poured out.

I visit my friend, Paul, at a soup kitchen just after our "Bread Run" and this ex-con gone head-over-heels in love with Jesus, greets me with a lift-ya-off-the-ground kind of hug. I turn into another hug from Ronnie who has struggled for 20 years or so with heroine and alcoholism. (I know because I used to sit draped over the bar next to him night after night some 14 years ago). He looks good today.

Ronnie may be "another homeless guy" but to me he is Ronnie, YHWH's beloved son. He is that Jesus in a distressing disguise. He is God's kid. He does not have to give up alcohol to be loved. He smiles at me and it just rushes into my heart. His smile "saves" me today. Light shines out of the darkness and again YHWH is inescapable. Ronnie pleads for me stay for lunch but I can't today but some day soon (for sure).

I actually get to score lunch today for eight veterans currently staying in a shelter. This is the real world. This is so good. So much real life here. The Spirit breathes life on us. F-words and "son-of-bitch" filled sentences top off our footlong slices of New Yorker style pizza like pepperoni and cheese.

We are but nine men at this moment in a distinct way who desperately need each other. That need is a gift that God has instilled in us. That need is a holiness that robs us of any despair as we share some laughs and poke fun at one another. This is holy ground. Seriously holy. Jesus meets me here in His most distressing disguises.

Today we are loved and we don't have to change.

When Broken is Good

When Broken is Good
September 2006

Some time ago a bunch of us met after reading Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" and we began or continued to wrestle with the whole "feeding the hungry" thing. I was most surprised at how we view the poor. How so often we assume that thier situations are a result of thier poor choices and/or decisions.

This is a good place to start. Wrestling with Jesus' words and directions. To ask the question of what Jesus really meant when He taught about caring for others more than ourselves or where it says He is near to the broken hearted. So He must be near me. He must be near us. Is it good to be broken?

We've been discovering for quite some time now that "poor" means much more than just living in Section 8 housing or some government provided living space. The loneliness of people is becoming more and more evident as we approach Jesus. The closer we get to God the more aware of the suffering that surrounds us becomes.

We do an outreach that we call our "Grocery GiveAway" a few times throughout the year. Collect food from various resources and take it to the under-resourced. Someone had said to me one night that they see no purpose in our Grocery GiveAway Outreach. When they said this they didn't say it in cynical way but they had more like a “matter-of-fact” kind of tone. They see it as us just enabling or even prolonging a lazy persons current condition. They see it as us allowing them to not change.

I see it as an entrance. I see it as giving "hope". We are hope-peddlers. Or as Brennan Manning would say or was it Phillip Yancey who said, "we are to be conveyors of grace for these potential reservoirs of God’s mercy".

People who have never exposed themselves to those in poverty will only be able to either assume or speculate. Which is why poor people view rich people as having it all together. Same approach: assumption methodology.

Which is why there are so few laborers.(I better check myself to look for blisters on my hands and soars on my feet before I get all cynical.) There are plenty of churched folks but few laborers. Lots of vocal participation and meetings and little sweat and hurt. When pastors are actually taking lessons from the world of marketing instead of lessons from the Sermon on the Mount you have got to stop and say this is not what Jesus meant. This is not Christianity. This is Gospel-less.

Here is where I get into trouble with other Christians. It just happens that these are real situations that I have experienced in ministry. Someone asked why we don’t advertise our church. I said “We don't advertise because that costs money and the money for our name can feed a family for a week.” They get mad when I say that. They get perplexed because that doesn’t line up with what I feel is the “F Word” of ministry, MARKETING.

We're not afraid to let God lead us. We're not afraid to love. We don't count how many people show up on Sundays... ever! Because people are not cattle. They’re not some number or potential tither to base a salary cap on or the determining factor of me getting health insurance or not.

I've met with people that have traveled 2 to 3 hours to come to be with our community not for a great teaching or for cool worship songs that help them worship better - but for love. They've heard about our community that embraces people and loves them where they are at. They hear we love and they want to be loved more than anything.

So we're not afraid to can our "sermons" and eat a meal together instead. We're not afraid to literally leave our “church service” and go serve people in need. We’re not onto something new either. In fact the method is quite old. How does God put it, “there is nothing new under the sun.” We need to really hear that.

We do this thing we call our “Pizza GiveAway”. I hate to share too much about it because it’s so simple that overchurched people will jot down the idea on their list of things to do instead of do it as an act of kindness or an act of love. Anyway, we buy a dozen pizzas and go downtown at midnight right by all the bars and just give it out for free, by the slice, on a plate, with a napkin, and a sincere smile and occassional wise crack when necessary. But in the giving of a single slice of pizza without some church name on the napkin or some kind of 2 second “plug” on what time our church service is I have been given great opportunities like listening to a young man contemplate suicide or giving a staggering drunk a ride home.

That was my Kingdom work that evening. There was something broken that night that I got to take part in the fixing of it. Not totally fixed but part of it. That’s what Jesus had me do that night. Jesus didn't get mad at me for not "getting them" saved. But... somebody who goes to church too much(can I say that?) actually said to me, “Yeah that’s nice but did you preach to him?” I think I muttered some form of profanity under my breath and then cried. If you know me then, yeah, I definitley muttered some profanities. And yes, I did cry.

On occassion I do run into people that intentionally use us for our resources for thier own gain. Including the church. But what’s really cool is that almost all the time our practicalness provides an entrance into dark places full of despair, places full of loneliness and brokenness, and places where people have no friends. And see this is where we become light as we hope for those who have lost hope and we become like Jesus who is called the “Friend of sinners”. I need a T Shirt that just says SINNER. Like Rob Bell says in Velvet Elvis, “Some days I’m a sinner and some days I’m a Christian.” Think about that for a little while. It's called being broken. It says I'm broken to the God who fixes.

If church meetings could be like an AA meeting(Alcoholics Anonymous) the church would make less mistakes. What I love about an AA meeting is the fact that when you come through the door your actions are screaming out for help. A great silent confession is fired out like a cannon and people respond immediately to your arrival. Just simply showing up declares the fact that you are either desperate or in despair. That you need others. That you are indeed broken. And yeah, broken is good.

Poverty of Conscience

"Poverty of Conscience"
by scott budzar

A saint once said without any wonder,
“The bread you don’t use
is the bread of those who hunger.”
So shall I sit around (remote control in hand)
and temporize
my ability or inability to respond
to all those hungry eyes?

Or can I be so brave
as to weep over my own neglect
Of all the meals I threw away
and the spare change that I kept.
We have categories: Vegetarian or Vegan,
Carnivores and Free-Gans
With bumper stickers to criticize
each other's decisions.
Stop with your stance
and can you listen?
While this day 6,500
will die from malnutrition.

Tomorrow morning a fatherless son, a mother
and her HIV infected daughter
Will walk 10 miles for a few gallons
of fecal laden water.
A trip that will provide hardly enough
to temporarily quench a thirst.
Without a choice they knowingly
drink a death but all the while
they give thanks to God for life first.

Pipelines of this liquid life
run all throughout my home.
Is it something I can give or share
or just claim it as my own.

I mean… Does my lawn really need watered
to be a little greener for all
my neighbors to see?
Or dare I be convinced
that 150 people die every hour
that I decide to think
more about me?

There is not one black family
or face on the street where I reside.
But in the most impoverished section of my city
the white face is harder to find.
I cannot settle for the
“that’s just how it is” response.
Because us Christians should know
that’s not what God wants.

How much can minimum wage
feed a single mom with two?
The wealthiest nation in the world says
50 bucks a month will do.
Can you give to the needy
instead of excelling at the art of excuse?
Or is it just easier to get upset
when someone on welfare eats better than you?

They say managing poverty is big business.
So is the Church gonna get “Mega”
or oppose this?
All this reaching inward
is a kick in the teeth
to folks already knocked down;
While pastors take lessons
from marketing strategies
instead of the Sermon on the Mount.

Today’s topics: Racism, fair trade,
war and peace.
Such cool words to print on a t-shirt
and then sell to you and me.

Please tell me that when the Church
is asked to respond to those in need
That we won’t form some holy huddle
and chant WWJD.

Does all my ranting qualify me
as just a liberal “social Gospel” fanatic?
Or if I’m a republican then,
oh yeah - I must be a war-loving addict.

And since when did Christianity all of a sudden
become just about the issues of
homosexuality and abortion.
When hookers, thieves, and notorious sinners knew Yahweh as their Portion.

I wonder of these things with a frustration and confusion that will not go away.
It is because I cannot escape or blanket my heart
from the things Jesus had to say.

Have we, oh Church, blessed God with monuments
or have we paved another mile for hell to come.
In the words of MLK - a "poverty of conscience"
is what we suffer from.

Little Brother

My little brother leaves for Iraq this Wednesday, November 14th. He is an Air Force MP and a graduate of The Citadel in Charleston, South Carolina.

I say little brother due to age but don't be fooled. He's six foot five and weighs around 225 pounds and is built like a monster. I guess hundreds of push ups every day for four years straight do that to you. It's funny, I'm six foot three and weigh about 170. Yet I am the smallest boy out of my six brothers. My Dad is six foot eight and around 270. That's where we get it from.

So, my little brother Tim will be placed in the largest detainee center in the world. It is in Iraq and there are presently 12,000 inmates. He will perform his duty in guarding and policing the prison. He's been in training for prison control over the past few months somewhere in the state of Washington. This wednesday morning he leaves.

My heart is troubled. My little brother is going to war.