Togetherness: the beauty of it

On May 20th at 8:55pm my younger brother Tim, an officer in the United States Air Force, stepped off of his flight that carried him home from the war in Iraq. We awaited his arrival as we peered anxiously down the long hallway filled with passengers scrambling through and around each other.

There was a group of us made up of around 25 or so waiting for him. Our children waited with sagging daisies in their hands for their Uncle Tim. My Mom paced the floor, my Dad kept his grandchildren entertained, and I

tried to fathom the return of one of my brothers who was smack dab in the middle of this war.

I cannot even begin to describe the waves of relief, emotion and happiness that swept over us so silently and powerfully as he appeared in the distance coming toward us. When he was within shouting distance we began to do the "wahoos" and clap. It was especially impacting when he was finally within 20 feet of us and without instruction we parted like the Red Sea for our Mom to greet her "little boy" who had returned from a far away place. And my how she wept as her 6 foot 6 inch 225 pound giant son wrapped his gargantuan arms around her 5 foot 4 inch frame. That was a moment I'll never forget. We all began to cry at the sounds of my mom's weeping as she grasped her son like he was a 5 year old who fell off of his bike.

There is so much to be said in these moments. My family is close but not always. That is not a cynicism on my part or even a criticism. It's just how it is. However, that's where I refuse to leave it. To leave it that place called "that's just how it is" is the place I have despised and always will. The place called "that's just how it is" is the place that breeds loneliness and dispute.

I remember when I had left home for the third time. Back when I was like 19 years old and constantly at war with my Dad about everything, I could not exist in the same environment as him. We just weren't close and were never getting along. I wasn't home for five days this time and we had gotten into a pretty big fight that made me start packing up again to leave. My mom came into my bedroom and knew I was frustrated and hurt. I recall saying to her that all I want is "to know my Dad". My mom in turn said, "I'm sorry but you never will." In other words, "get over it" and move on.

Now she wasn't saying it to hurt me more but to just lay it out that my Dad just doesn't know how to do that part of fatherhood so instead of me wallowing around in all that hurt she wanted me to just push on and understand the reality of the situation.

I could not blot that out and embrace the "that's just how it is" place. It gnawed at my heart all the time. I wanted so desperately to know my Dad but even more for my family to know each other more and more. I just wanted EVERYONE to get along and not in some Utopian version but just the real life version.

There have been many things that have brough

t us together and many things that have caused hurtful divides. It's always the moments that bring us together that outweigh the moments that divide. They are the moments that bring healing and unity. This doesn't mean we ignore the divisive parts but that we learn from them as well as the moments that unite us.

My sister had put together a Welcome Home party, for my brother Tim's return from Iraq set for May 25th. Planning the party began with the obvious: finding a place to do it, setting the date, etc. Since my family is 50% Irish my sister decided to have the party at an authentic Irish Pub. She began asking for everyone to chip in and help out. It was a no brainer because we're family. Everyone began getting their personal schedules worked out and made every effort to set aside their own plans for the celebration to come. Each of us put in the things we new how to do well for the sake of one.

Now, my family is huge. I have 6 brothers and 6 sisters. When we get together with all of our kids there is well over 50 of us in one place. So planning stuff out is never easy and never trouble-free. In order for our family gatherings to be really good and a gift in itself, it requires sacrifice from each of us.

Sacrifice doesn't mean we have to be miserable or do the work that makes us just kind of tolerate it. Sacrifice can be a joyful part of life if we realize how so very much it can be a blessing to God and each other.

Since the party was at an Irish Pub what better way to bless my brother and family and friends than to bring some live music to the party. It's what the Irish do. So I began to write music that revolved around my family and our friends and then one particular song that was all about my brother Tim and that song is called "Our Superman" because Tim has been a fan of Superman since he was 2 years old.

When the moment came at the pub to perform the music I was so nervous. The songs were a gift from not only me but from my brothers and sisters who wrote down their fondest memories of Tim and then gave them to me so that I could transfer them into a song that would then go be for him and for us too. I was nervous because I knew that in the constructing of the song that in my family there are hurts that aren't healed yet but I also know that there is a lot of love too and my hope was to be able to repres

ent my whole family and not just myself.

The pub was pretty full and my family gathered somewhat close to the stage as I began to sing the first of 3 songs that I wrote for the night. The first song was about family and what it means to be the love in it. The second song was based around our memories of Tim. The third song was the gem and the one that truly represented what Tim meant to us all. I poured my heart, guts and soul into this one in particular because it was all just for him.

Here's what was really cool. My tough soldier of a brother sat about 2o feet away for the first two songs. Then when I began the third song he moved up to the edge of the stage by himself and we looked at each other eye to eye when I sang a line to him about this night being all about him. Tears began to fall from his eyes, mine and everyone else joined in the beauty of sharing tears of joy and love for one another. That song was the best and I made it purposefully long so that he'd get the point of how much he means to us all. The song is like 11 minutes long and is built musically on my emotions for him and lyrically on our deep love to him.

When I was done, my

brother came up on the stage before I could even get my guitar off and just hugged me so good. I will never ever forget that moment. How my family came together that night and loved on each other and laughed with each other was overwhelmingly beautiful. It was as if every hurt was just thrown out and discarded in an instant and who and what we really are to each other took shape in the form and design that God had intended in the first place.

Since that night just 6 weeks ago my family has been talking more and hanging out more because we've been reminded of the beauty of togetherness and how it defines us in the way of love and it's power to lift us up above the hurt of this world and even the hurt that we inflict.

Each and every church community whether Lutheran, Catholic or non-denominational is called to be just like this. To see the beauty of togetherness in the way it is intended to be. Just like my whole family set aside our agendas for just one we are to do the same as a church body for Jesus. To give ourselves fully in sacrificial ways that cause joy and hope.

We gathered in a bar with lots of different folks together and sang songs and I even had a song that everyone sang that was all about giving thanks to God for all we have. A bar full of people getting hammered(not everyone but almost everyone) singing thanks to God. Respecting and loving one another. Holding on to that moment as dear and precious is something that I hope and pray for Christians to do more and more in their communities of prayerful worship and love.

Gathering on Sunday as a church body to worship God and hear His word can so easily become a duty and/or a burden. If we see it as a duty and/or burden then that is all it ever will be. If we hold it as precious and yearn for it to be sacred then it will bring healing to us all and it will be a continuous gift to our heavenly Father.

The scriptures talk of the beauty of the Lord. We are His body and the body partakes in His beauty when it comes together.

The cure to fearing each other is in the surrendering to beauty of togetherness.