"Jesus meet me
Come Lord save me
Wash me clean
And make me holy.
I was born to love you only
Spirit come breathe life within me. "
-marc james' song "Jesus Meet Me" from the vineyard "holy" album.
Sounds like words to toss at someone who perhaps is not "saved". They are words to one of my favorite songs that we sing in our community quite often. The words remind me of Mother Teresa's(Momma T) words: "Jesus meets us in His most distressing disguises."
The last 24 hours have been quite full of consistent reminders of God's relentless pursuit of my heart. As if a boulder of raging love was chasing me downhill. I was able to sit at the feet of a phenomenal man of God whose words drip with grace and rigorous passion that exemplify the bold and unconditional love of YHWH.
That man being, Brennan Manning.
His repetitive message of "you DO NOT have to change to be loved" echoes over and over only to the point in which I plea for more. That's it. You don't have to change to be loved. It is not required. Jesus does not demand it. (That's right man, pick me up and out of the heap of my dung-filled attempts to please You, O God, and scrape the crap off me as I quiver into a calm state of being and I'll pull Your faithful hands of mercy around me like a warm blanket.)
I went up and hugged Brennan shortly but fiercely. I wanted that Elijah and Elisha moment of give me what you have you sweet man. That's what I want to be like as I continue to not "grow up".
[I pray this day for a 2nd conversion:
mistrust to trust.
Beckon my heart, O Lord,
to crave unfaltering trust.]
(following morning- Thursday - "Bread Run")
After scoring 50 loaves of bread and several $30.00 sheet cakes, pies, and cookies from a grocer that donates them to us - Drew, Lisa and myself begin to figure out which shelter to go to first. Our Kingdom work this day is especially good. Especially good because we are resources today. Resources of His goodness. We are being poured out.
I visit my friend, Paul, at a soup kitchen just after our "Bread Run" and this ex-con gone head-over-heels in love with Jesus, greets me with a lift-ya-off-the-ground kind of hug. I turn into another hug from Ronnie who has struggled for 20 years or so with heroine and alcoholism. (I know because I used to sit draped over the bar next to him night after night some 14 years ago). He looks good today.
Ronnie may be "another homeless guy" but to me he is Ronnie, YHWH's beloved son. He is that Jesus in a distressing disguise. He is God's kid. He does not have to give up alcohol to be loved. He smiles at me and it just rushes into my heart. His smile "saves" me today. Light shines out of the darkness and again YHWH is inescapable. Ronnie pleads for me stay for lunch but I can't today but some day soon (for sure).
I actually get to score lunch today for eight veterans currently staying in a shelter. This is the real world. This is so good. So much real life here. The Spirit breathes life on us. F-words and "son-of-bitch" filled sentences top off our footlong slices of New Yorker style pizza like pepperoni and cheese.
We are but nine men at this moment in a distinct way who desperately need each other. That need is a gift that God has instilled in us. That need is a holiness that robs us of any despair as we share some laughs and poke fun at one another. This is holy ground. Seriously holy. Jesus meets me here in His most distressing disguises.
Today we are loved and we don't have to change.
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