Friday, December 28, 2007

Simple Ingredients


There is somewhat of a personal tradition that I began last year and continued it for just the second time this year. It is a Christmas sort of thing that I somewhat feel obligated to do. But not in the sense of have to do it but I must do it and I am most certainly compelled to do it by the love that has been shown to me through Jesus.

There was a time where it felt that I was chained down to a world of pure lonliness and self destruction. Even though at the same time I had obtained my life long dream of being in band that would be signed by a record company in Dallas, Texas and then prepped up for a possible tour with a major national act. All the while gearing up for a video shoot for MTV's Alternative Nation and loading up to move to Austin , Texas. All this took place within 6 months of my being in the band and obviously the lure of sex, drugs and all that entails it awaited my every turn at every corner. Especially because it was free and always available.

There was such a sense of freedom in that part but such an incredibly life haltering lonliness that walked with me as if it were as present as my very own shadow. My greatest efforts to obliviate this lonliness only complicated my longings for true freedom. How could I be 23 years old and reach my lifelong dream and still realize that the only dominating thought in my mind was suicide?

It was only a few months prior to my joining the band that a very dear friend of mine had taken her own life. Due to massive consumptions of cocaine use she had become so far in debt that she began to prostitute herself sexually in order to payback her debts or to simply score another high. The debt could not be paid and the high could not be reached. And so on a Saturday morning in the summer of 1993 she left a note saying that "this is the only way out" and she put a pistol in her mouth and pulled the trigger.

I remember having an envious feeling of her suicide. How she had been able to go that far so as to escape this world. I remember feeling like that. It's madness to think like that but it was truly a feeling that became like clothing on my weary soul. I can't even begin to remember how many nights I spent in the bars in dowtown Kent hunched over and forcing myself to throw up so I could continue to drink more. Sobriety was the scariest thing in the world to me. I remember the so very many holidays of not having any where to go because I chose my drug soaked agenda over those that I loved and those yhat I was loved by.

That's where this traditional thing comes into play that I started last year. On Christmas Eve, around midnight, I go downtown Kent with little gift bags filled with cookies. There are very few places open. In fact, there is pretty much only one bar open and it is the one that I know I would be in to this day had not this sweet and gentle Jesus been so kind and bold as to enter my shit-filled world.

Last year several friends came along with me to do this "outreach" but this year I wanted to go alone. I can't really say why I went alone other than I just had to go and be with the ones that perhaps are clothed in that same loneliness that enveloped me for so long. My desperation now lies within the cries to bring light into the dark places and no longer in the cries that allow the darkness to overwhelm.

I can tell you that as I began to hand out the cookies how so very quickly smiles and huge "thank you's" overtook this room that was cloaked in the mundane atmosphere of the sound of billiards and the ever enchanting sound of cuss words that let me know I am where He already is. There was even a group of young folks that were evidently foreigners because they could not speak an ounce of English and for as far as I can tell they were Middle Easterners of sorts but love overcomes those barriers quite easily through little bags of cookies. I did not need a translator because as the gift bags left my hands and went into theirs our smiles completed the moment and the message.

Love is quite capable of leaping over the things that we Christians often determine to be things to ignore or stay away from. Now, I love to study theology, read from the gleanings of the best writers of our faith and I am always up for good strong teaching. But listen and hear this with your heart : The greatest theological understandings and moments have derived from the greatest examples of the very Word in flesh in the moment that He sat and ate with the hookers and tax-collectors, in the moment that He placed His holy hands into the puss-filled-cracked-skin of the leper, in the moment that He promised a known thief to be with Him in paradise, and in the moment that He picked up my blistered soul and soothed me into existence again. {Notice the italicized words in this paragraph - they are all forms of faithful action.}

It's amazing that some simple ingredients like flour, eggs, peanut butter, chocolate and sugar are much more effective in showing the Gospel rather than just knowing the Gospel. Some cookies got me past the barriers that so many Christians think they have to compete with. I mean think about it - some cookies and a willingness to just be nice brought some joy into perhaps the most depressing night of the year for people, it overcame language barriers, ethnic barriers, and cultural differences and defeated religiosity.

So let's see shall I attend another conference on how to "reach out" and do church? Hell no, I think I'll go bake up another batch of cookies and head back down to the bar.

My secret: The peanut butter ones with a hershey kiss on top of it tend to be the most effective!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Sleigh Ride - Humvee Style

I got an email from my little brother, Tim, who landed in Baghdad on Thanksgiving. He has just begun his first tour of duty. He's totally a man of few words but here's what he writes:

...hope everyone is doing well and is excited for the holidays. We went out on a sleigh ride in our humvees the other day on a humanitarian mission and gave out gifts to the children. It was a truly gratifying experience and one I will never forget. Talk about poverty. I cant believe that these people live like they do. Well, be sure to drink your ovaltine and christmas ale. Love you guys.
-Timmy


Geez is it hard to think about where he is right now. War sucks.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Chiseling.

It is easy to write about the good things or great happenings that occur in our lives. It is even easier to write about things that we don't like or disagree with. These are the kind of feelings that brew up strong emotions and throng us to respond or react in ways that make us what we will one day be thankful for or one day we'll turn back to look in regret of.

I love to read Dorothy Day's stuff. She was co-founder of the Catholic Worker movement and lived a lifelong option for the poor and was so very devoted to active nonviolence. We all have our favorite authors or writers that connect deep within us on a level that describes exactly how we feel and we are amazed that someone we don't even truly know feels exactly the same and is capable of "putting it on paper". Dorothy Day is that kind of writer to me.

In one observation Day writes about the causes of her conversion and how they took place. As best as she can remember, some things just stood out more than others. This is where I connect with Day outside of our Catholic ties. But it's these moments in my life where little conversion factors played an important role that have made the chiseling of my being so very much felt and known by myself.

Chiseling.

I recall a chiseling moment. It has never escaped me. I feel that God has embedded this conversion moment into the walls of my heart so as not to forget the Hand that shapes. It is here in His hands that I am reminded of the cost of reaching out in love. His scars define a heavy price.

It was in 1995 at a Pittsburgh Steeler football game against the Cleveland Browns that I would be chiseled with concern but molded with grace. The pastor of the church I was a part of had given me free tickets to the game and asked if I would chaperon his son. You don't have to like sports to attend this rivalry and enjoy it. You don't say no to a game like this.

I remember it being a warm fall day. There I was in the midst of a sold out crowd with the pastor's son. I was feeling like I was important. Like God had ordained me to watch over something so very important.

So I looked around like a scout surveying his surroundings. That's when I noticed him. He was cheering on his beloved Steelers with a slur of cuss words obviously drenched in the depths of Iron City Beer. He stumbled up every other step and I remember noticing the empty seat to the left of me.

How I prayed for that empty seat to not be his. He stopped and bent over to check the row to make sure it was his and then leaned back to look down and acknowledge that the seat to my left was indeed his. So with the help of several F-bombs along with reminding our entire seated section of how much Cleveland sucks, he began to weave his way to the seat next to me.

I remember not wanting to be next to this drunk. How his obscene language made me cringe. How his mannerisms filled me with an anger that I felt was just and holy. I even wondered that perhaps I did not belong in this place filled with such worldliness. How could I be in the midst of all this sinfulness?

And then my Lord spoke gently to me and said, "Because, Scott, where I found you is no different than the place I am looking for him."

How quickly my heart melted and how utterly idiotic and self-righteous I felt when I recognized that saving voice. That moment has stuck with me to this very moment. It is never easy to reflect on it because I so very much despise that person I was that day that I am shedding a tear now just thinking of it. How so very Godless I was at that moment. It scared me. It scares me to think that I am capable of being like that at any given moment as I live and breathe today.

Now granted, at that moment, I had only been a "Christian" for about a year. I was certainly learning and growing and truthfully wanting to know Jesus. But my heart was broken because I had forgotten about the rescue effort that came after me not to long ago prior to this.

I've had folks tell me to forget about the past and moments like that and to behold new things! I refuse to let go of these moments. I must refuse to ever forget where I was before Jesus waded Himself neck deep in the mire of my life to rescue me. I hold onto this moment of moments when His chisel came down upon my petrified heart. It is a painful reminder that beckons my soul to thirst and hunger for righteousness as deep calls unto deep.

As His word says, "Is not my Word like a hammer that breaks the rock!" And so my heart would be broken by the force of an enduring King. He certainly is faithful to pursuit us relentlessly. Is He not?

Oh yeah... I failed to mention that I was born and raised on the west side of Cleveland. And yes, I was faithful to the Browns even after living in Pittsburgh for 9 years. I still am.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Despise Expectations

I am confounded on a regular basis as to what this Christian life is supposed to be as opposed to what is has been made to appear like. It makes me reflect on a quote from Brennan Manning: "The institutional church has become a wounder of the healers rather than a healer of the wounded."

It is a quote that is worthy of reflection. A quote fabricated out of let down and hurt. A quote that unfortunately holds a lot of weight.

The greatest and most profound personal moments of true Christian living have come to me in ways that the average seminary in our day and age could never provide. I am, however, grateful for the "seminary" that my wife and I attended in Pittsburgh. It never gave way to ministry being some kind of profession to pursuit or some kind of career goal.

My wife and I attended Dayspring Bible School together and the most informative class we had every day was lunch. You see, the school was a soup kitchen as well. Every day you had school you shared lunch with the hungry and poor. It was a reminder to us in a gentle way of what this is really about. The lesson to learn was not an "us and them" theme but just an "us" theme. Live life together. Share.

It is in the simplest ways of meeting the needs of each other that bring about great relationships that are then built on trust and love and despise expectations of one another.

Despise expectations. There is a lot to learn in this proactive statement. There are no expectations in true love. You love out of giving of self and in turn you expect nothing.

Sounds truthful but what does it look like?

Let's start by going back to the Brennan Manning quote and consider how the institutional church has become a "wounder of the healers". Henri Nouwen also addressed this in a different fashion but based upon the same grounds. He put it something like this: "The opposite of compassionate is competitive."

If you are not lending your heart free of charge so as to pour yourself out as an offering then you are competing for some kind of award like recognition, a title or craving approval from your peers like a heroine addict craves for a fix and seeks out any avenue to get it. I must constantly ask myself these things. Are my intentions to seek attention or to gain Christ and die to myself. There will always be that chance to do either one. And though all of us are capable of choosing poorly we are invited by the love of our Father in heaven to receive Christ especially in our dark hours.

How have I learned so far? Here is a true story about someone that I get to do some things with:

My friend, Jack, meets the homeless on the streets after he works rotating shifts as an industrial mechanic. He cannot sleep knowing that somebody in his neighborhood is out in the cold and this is why I follow Jack. I try to put my feet into Jack's beautiful footprints that go before me because he is living up to true pastoral living by caring and seeking to restore the broken hearts and broken places. He is not some CEO or seminarian. He is just some blue-collar cigarette-smokin' kid of YHWH that loves until it hurts and then loves some more(Mother Teresa said something like that once).

He and his wife opened a little coffee shop with their own money in order to show the love of Jesus. They simply provide coffee and warmth. No agendas saying, "Free coffee if you come to church!" Just come and Jack(overcome by Jesus) will give you some rest and a cup of joe.

So one day a lady came in and sat down. She got herself a cup of coffee and huddled herself up to the coffee bar leaving the distinct impression that she did not want to be bothered. So Jack simply let her be. Then in walked three pastors from some local church that came to "check out" this ministry effort because they heard that Jack was looking for other Christians to help out. I don't think these guys were there for thirty seconds when they took Jack aside and said "Do you know that there's a known prostitute sitting there at the coffee bar?"

Jack stepped back acting dumb and replied, "Where? I can't see her? Show me."

Immediately they said, "Right there! That lady. What kind of place is this that serves known prostitutes?"

And Jack said, "You see her as what she has become but not what she truly is. She is God's precious daughter. In here she gets to be that treasure even if it's only for a few minutes. That's what we do. We give her those few minutes to be that before the next guy gets his hands on her."

So they left and never returned. There was no trophy for them to win. There was only coffee to serve and warmth to provide but no trophies to carry home of victoriously "saving" the hooker. I'm sure they were disappointed to see that there was no platform for them to speak. There was just the opportunity to meet Jesus in the least of these. The chance to listen to God's heart and identify with His plans and purposes.

That's the problem with the evangelical world anymore, too many folks thinking that their sermons or speaking engagements are what people need. Too much of the evangelical world has thrown it's most important tool of evangelism out. That tool: Listening. If we do not listen to our neighbors then compassion has been discarded from our hearts. Fighting for selfish gain wins again.

These guys only knew how to compete and that was evident in the way they saw her. She was not a shiny trophy to be won nor will she ever be. To Jack she is a daughter of the Most High worthy to be served some cream and sugar. To the "upright" she needed to change then she could be served. Three pastors came in as if they were known conquerors deserving to be recognized. But compassion dethroned them. For a few minutes anyway. And because the desire for trophies ruled their motives, they decided that they had to leave their mark somehow and so they wounded the healer. Since they could not win they might as well wound. Wound Jack.

Leaving and not helping out is how you wound the healer. So much of the western world of Christianity has left the healers standing out in the cold simply because there is no glory in this kind of work. And let me tell you this: Some of the best healers of broken folks that I have come across are not Church-going folk. That is another story.

So... what really happened that day?

Answer:
1) God's beloved daughter sat quietly and contently while sipping on a warm beverage in the peaceful setting of a coffee house designed especially to bring her rest.

2) Three pastors warred with their own discontent because there were no "lands" to take for their kingdoms. In other words: No stories of their soul-winning to tell at the next Sunday service. Hopefully they will recognize Jesus the next time they head out. Hopefully, I will too.

3) And Jack... well, Jack simply despised expectations and brewed up another pot.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Christmas Program to Benefit New Shelter

The Akron Beacon Journal did a write up on the Christmas show coming up. Good stuff. Colette was very kind.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Wrecked for the Ordinary






Wrecked for the Ordinary
has "published" a zudbone poem -
"Poverty of Conscience"

Enjoy their site. Jeff Goins is a good cat.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Coffee for a cause - Entertainment


Coffee for a cause - Entertainment

Check out the Scribbles coverage!! A front page layout and two page spread of our good and supa dupa friends - The Rawd and Carla and a kind touch of Sophia!!

A great way to support the "restoration of all things" and care for our city and support the small businesses and the true lifeblood of Kent.

The Restoration of all Things... begins with small things [like coffee shops.]

The point in the restoration of our cities and communities is not to eventually dominate them. The point is to provide a flow of individual efforts that support each other and give and to likewise graciously annihilate the competitive agenda that seeks to divide and conquer. Which will hopefully turn the hearts of competitive driven folks to consider their neighbor first.

It is the same scenario found in the Gospels. Bring your "fishes and loaves" to the table no matter how much or little you have of them. The disciples tried to look at statistics when they were told to feed the 5,000 hungry folks that gathered near to Jesus. Really look how they responded to Jesus in the story. And so how did Jesus respond to their stats? Jesus looked to His Father in heaven and gave thanks for what there already was and had nothing to say about what there wasn't. This was a tough lesson for the disciples to learn as it is for us on what true community effort looks like. Community in fullness functions in a complete and healthy state when we share and lend of ourselves with no expectation of a thank you or reward.

My experiences and observations are that the "Mom and Pop" stores have always been the truest identification of that scenario. They are the true blood of both small towns and big cities. You care about the neighbor and the neighborhood because it is right and good to do simply just that.

Listen little flock: It is in Yahweh's character to provide such things as good neighbors that will infect neighborhoods in need with His likeness.

So why bother with a small fair-trade coffee house effort like my friends do? Because as a Christ-follower and image-bearer of Yahweh, you should consider and act upon the concern for the products you buy and sell, as a hope to also care for the producer of the goods rather than target yourself as the only one to make out on the success of a business.

My Dad retired at the age of 45 after successfully running a business of his own in East Cleveland. With 13 children to still care for he was able to retire in his mid forties. There is a lot to be said about that. If you ask him what made the business truly successful he will tell you that if you run a business for the purpose of your own gain it will destroy you and those around you but if you run a business for the purpose of taking care of your employees and their families you will succeed in doing just that.

May we seek to do just that in all that we do.

(my inspiration to write this comes from Tom Sine's: Mustard Seed vs. McWorld, Henry Nouwen's: The Road to Peace, and my sweet and gentle friends, Rodney, Carla and little Sophia because they are brave enough to actually do it.)

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Ending Poverty: Introduction


"Managing Poverty is Big Business.
Ending Poverty is Revolutionary."


How I love this quote taken from a homeless mom.

Notice - Homeless Mom: Nameless, anonymous, and brilliant.

In other words: Prophetic Female(that'll strike a nerve somewhere).

The female is not very prominent in the American Pastoral Achievement Trophy world. So this ought to eliminate a few readers starting here since so much of the true care taking for the poor is done by females but that is another subject down the road.

An insightful, convicting charge to the Christian everywhere: to be mindful of the greater need in our surroundings. Ending poverty is the true revolution at hand. A reminder that I try to burn into my mind and my heart daily.

But what makes this so convicting and challenging and heartbreaking is what we will actually do with it. We live in a country that uses almost half of the world's resources. There has never been a time in the history of the world and the history of Christendom where we have had so much wealth before us. Where our "tables sag with food" and the gap between the haves and have-nots widens due to misconceptions and misinformed decision makers.

It is not an issue of the wealthy being selfish and evil by any means, but rather an issue of how the world of poverty and how the world of wealth collide. This is a difficult road to walk. Although the combined efforts of the impoverished and wealthy brings necessary tensions it has shown that it's thriving ability to walk in unity is quite possible and honorable to Jesus.

When Paul was commissioned on the first missionary journey of the church he was charged with this: "REMEMBER THE POOR."

His response: "I was already eager to do that!"

He wasn't told build stuff then remember they're out there some where. His charge was to build the church with them!! To include and care. That the way of the Kingdom is a life lived with the poor and together creating environments where no one is needy anymore because the burdens are shared. At that my friends is incredibly joyful.

Over the past two years, alongside several friends, I've helped move homeless families into apartments by hunting down donated furniture and food. The quietness of our effort caught the attention of some folks. They literally shelled out cash and bought us a Uhual truck to aid our effort and then someone else dropped $20,000.00 on our laps saying that they knew we'd care for the poor with all that we have.

The same folks that paid for everything also join our efforts in serving and laughing with us along the way still to this day. We have combined the impoverished and wealthy in an effort where we find Jesus humbling us all, holding us close and giving us the ability to create communities that have "no needy persons among them" [read pages 62-65 in The Irresistible Revolution].

I push hard to advocate on behalf of folks that just need someone to stand in for them as Ezekiel teaches us and because it goes against my nature as a man to do so - It is the Christ way to die to my agenda. However, it gets me in trouble with other Christians that use the downtrodden to gain attention for themselves but advocating with the poor has always been said to be the one place that people will come against you the most. This is true especially in a society that embraces consumerist approaches to everything including the way we "do" church. In fact, several plots to destroy Jesus were made because he defended the poor.

The more and more I dwell in the poverty of our cities and places of despair the more and more I see Jesus and where He really is. Because I used to think years ago that I was such a great suffering Christian by taking God into those places. How arrogant is that? That any body could ever think they're taking God some where. I have realized that where ever I get to go by the grace of God it is to a place that He has been consistently working in already and that we humans get to help out.

The disciples talked of power and Jesus began to remove dirt and camel-pooh from the crevasses of their toes. It is in the embracing of the Cross that demands "this way of pooh removal" to rule over my desires and creates a love for justice and mercy to continue to blossom in my heart and works its way out into the quiet covertly changing plans of a Kingdom that is coming down to rule(not a place to get ready to go away to).